A question that will help parents understand their children’s emotions: an expert explains its importance

Emotional intelligence in children develops most effectively in an atmosphere of safety, where they can freely express their thoughts. Without such a foundation, even the most sincere efforts to understand a child can backfire, especially in stressful situations.

American expert in the field of conscious parenting Reem Rauda shared her thoughts on this. As part of a study involving more than 200 children, she discovered a simple but effective phrase that can help children stop, think, and open up in communication. This phrase sounds like this: “Tell me how difficult it is for you right now.”

Rauda explained that this phrase works because it reflects children’s real experiences. It creates an environment in which understanding arises naturally, unlike the question “What happened?”, which can only shut a child down, forcing them to avoid talking about their experiences.

The expert explained several reasons why this phrase is so effective:

Reducing defensiveness: In moments of emotional tension, during tantrums or stressful situations, the word “difficult” conveys a sense of support and security to children, confirming that their feelings are natural.
Developing emotional language: Children have the opportunity to express their experiences, which is not always clear, which supports their emotional development.
Control over information: This question allows children to decide what information they are willing to share, which is important for building their confidence.
Emotional safety for problem solving: Parents who create comfortable conditions for conversation show a willingness to listen, emphasizing the importance of any emotions.
Stabilizing the nervous system: Emotional support reduces stress levels, especially when the child demonstrates a disproportionate reaction.
Normalizing emotions: This helps children realize that all emotions have the right to exist, as well as learn to manage them.
This form of communication helps children develop emotional intelligence, teaching them to interact with emotions through resilience and reflection — skills that become important in adult life.